又來到年底了

Wow
距離上次更新好像有點久 哈哈哈哈
上個星期做了讓自己覺得很厲害的事情
其實也沒有那麼可怕 一個人出去玩這件事
雖然說真的很冷 也很可惜沒辦法拍全身照 哈哈哈

新北耶誕城真的蠻漂亮的哈哈哈哈
路程來回共花了兩個小時
我在那邊逛了不到一個小時
人擠人的 哈哈哈哈 然後就跑出來了

剛結束的這週很忙很轟炸
星期一到星期三晚上一直都待在解剖實驗室
星期四晚上交換禮物後匆匆地開始趕工
幸好還是完成了PBL的ppt
PBL真的讓我覺得壓力好大 嗚嗚
這次帶我們的是心臟外科醫師
應該是剛下刀還是怎麼樣 醫師的眼睛是通紅的 嗚嗚
但還是很有精神、思維清晰地聽完我們的報告 真的太厲害了

這幾天要很努力唸書啊
這個區段的生理完全沒聽懂
可是生理的時數最多 嗚嗚 我完了

12/22 大體實驗跑臺
12/26 藥理學期末考
12/27 組織實驗跑臺
12/28 心臟血管區段
12/29 病理和生理實驗

嗚嗚嗚 許宇暄加油
這樣12/31就可以
開開心心聽五月天
然後去看學弟妹升旗後
吃個早餐
回宿舍補眠
然後開啟大三下學期 T_T

Relationship

身邊的人分分合合
很替她開心
替他覺得難過
希望她可以開心
到底為什麼可以這麼燒腦
原以為他們可以走到結婚那一步
沒想到會是這樣的結局
她說她也沒有想過
但還是發生了

我真的很膽小
所以
就這樣到老吧

能不能有一天不用再去顧忌別人的想法
能不能有一天不用再去煩惱人跟人的相處
能不能有一天就只有我自己但我不會孤單

Thoughts and moment

She helped lots of us speak.
I guess.

Unsatisfied

好像越大就越不容易滿足
越大就越難因為小事開心
卻又越容易為雞毛蒜皮的事情失落、難過

這次很幸運拿到慈祐宮的獎助金
很納悶為什麼她沒拿到
今天早上發現她拿到了龍山寺的
啊
原來是拿到了更好的呢
覺得自己怎麼那麼弱
但又覺得自己好糟糕
朋友拿了獎助金應該是要替她開心啊
畢竟我們的立場一樣
而且她真的很認真

而我也應該要知足的

.

早該知道是這樣的，只是我不願意面對。
罷了。

Debt I could never repay

I miss them, again.
Especially when I saw words so familiar, “妹妹，媽媽已經沒有媽媽了。”
I'm not good at expressing my love and feelings, just the thought of them could make me tear.
It's hard to not mention the materialistic side, somehow speaking of money makes everything sound so cheap. But the willingness to spend on someone is actually the most straightforward scale of one's love.
Studying in Taiwan without any scholarship is already very expensive, not to mention my sis got PTPTN and occasionally worked part time to earn some pocket money. I'm here, spending my parents' money, enjoying my youth while my dad is under the hot sun sometimes risking his life to put food on the table, my mum alone at home trying to occupy her thoughts with mundane household chores, my sis working in a school in rural areas with students getting on her nerves and making her feel frustrated at least once a week. I feel so useless.

Then she said, "Do you want to have braces on?"
A very appealing offer.
But I can't get over the fact that I'd be spending again, so much of their hard earned money just for the sake of my appearance.
I guess this might be the reason I've been having insomnia these days. This dilemma.

Men are selfish.

Insomnia

Have been having trouble falling asleep these days
No particular reason, I'm quite sure of that.
Maybe it's just because of the time spent on my phone before my sleep

I felt tired, I closed my eyes but they refused to stay closed and I was there staring at the ceiling.
Tried staring blankly until I fall asleep but somehow it doesn't help and I started wandering off.
I picked up my phone again, the cycle repeats.

眼前的路是一片朦朧，你是一陣風但帶來的是更大的烏雲；
朦朧轉為黑暗，原本看得到的已經不見。

風

Saw that he hurt his hand, he said it was last Friday cz of basketball and the wound was bleeding a lot that time.
Hope it recovers soon.

I'm falling for your eyes

I felt the attraction when I looked into your eyes this afternoon 

during our physiology experiment lesson. 

下個夏天

剛剛開了暑期課程說明會
簡單來說就是跟我們講說明年還是要當志工哦
這樣
其實已經去了尼泊爾兩年了
花的錢也蠻多的
基於經濟層面上的問題覺得不行再去了
但我該去哪裡呢
唉

癢

其實還是好想要跳舞啊

粉紅是設計，生活是愛情

前天在搜尋類似請回答1988的劇時看到了這樣的一篇剖析文

粉紅是設計，生活是愛情

因為阿澤是生活，所以德善最後選擇了他
正煥是粉紅，我們看到的都是編劇設計出來的
這麼一想好像不無道理

生活是愛情。

區段二

昨天剛考完第二個區段
這次的區段第一次接觸到大體老師、第一上PBL、第一次上病理學
多了好多東西，有時候一起做事的人莫名地讓我感覺壓力
有一天下午對自己覺得失望
已經不記得那天下午天氣怎麼樣
只知道走回宿舍的路上只有我一個人
幸好沒什麼人
我默默地走
一回到沒人的寢室就邊哭邊鬧
但過了不到十分鐘
就跟自己說 該面對人生了
只是那晚喝了一罐啤酒
終於知道為什麼大人喜歡喝酒了
那種瀟灑的感覺是生活中少有的
那種自己獨酌、只有自己懂自己的感覺令人沉迷
喝了一罐我就想睡了
然後連假就開始了

這次考得跟上一次一樣
哈哈哈哈
其實應該算很棒吧
但或許是因為時間大多都投注在唸書上了
覺得不太滿意呢
鄰座的怪同學裡說過 “認真唸書不會辜負我，我會得到成正比的回報。”
大概這樣的意思吧
還是希望自己可以更好一些呢

.

前兩天是馥如跟嘉雯的生日
生日真的很美好
我好想念那天晚上
好喜歡你的眼睛
好喜歡你的笑
喜歡你的酒窩

Tired

又要放連假了呢

因為這次連假有四天, 為了不讓自己餓死我決定出去買材料
結果在公車站遇到大我三屆的小家學姐
真的超久不見了!! 學霸學姐還是那麼迷你可愛 哈哈哈哈
結果她就開始關心新的小家學妹云云
然後我就跟她說有一個學妹很可愛 很好奇 一直問問題
結果她說 沒有比妳多話吧?
我知道學姐沒有特別的意思

我只是突然覺得大家好像都只知道聒噪喧鬧的我呢
其實一直說話我也很累啊
我只是不想要有人覺得尷尬而已
我只是想讓大家互相認識而已
我也不想一直被句點啊
我也不想被漠視
平時講話也只是希望我的朋友可以覺得開心而已
她們笑了我就覺得很開心
但有沒有人知道這很累呢

有沒有一天我可以聽別人對我聒噪呢
那一定很幸福。

我要去桃園跨年啦!

真的超開心 哈哈哈哈哈
搶到五月天的票了!!
本來是1100開搶, 結果拓元系統有問題, 延到1300才開賣
幸好昨天先去吃了寢聚 不然會餓死 哈哈哈啊
因為還要做PBL報告的ppt 我已經想好說搶了票後把word檔弄成ppt
結果因為一直沒有開搶 我就 一直沒有做 哈哈哈哈哈哈哈

1259的時候全寢超緊張 一直狂刷“立即購票”
點入
購票
結果藍圈圈一直跑
跑啊跑
結果跳掉!!
害我超難過 然後我就想說 不行 不可以放棄 所以我就點了另一天的場次
結果那一天的場次的藍圈圈就在那邊跑
哇! “請選擇付款方式” 哈哈哈啊哈 超開心
全寢瘋狂大叫 哈哈哈哈哈 晨沒有要去也幫忙搶票
結果全寢只有我的跑到 哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈
不管是不是本來想搶的日期, 有就好了!!
“怎麼是2880啊? 哇! 跨年場!”
其實 跨年場是一開始跳掉的圈圈
天啊 一整個超開心
然後亢奮超久 翻開講義在笑

哈哈哈哈啊啊 在我終於打起精神要做PBL的時候
“誒, 清票了誒。來搶個。”
想說反正就一下子的事情, 來搶一下好了。
跨年場! 無限搖滾區! 居然就搶到兩張 哈啊哈哈哈哈哈
今天手氣不錯, 看來應該要去打牌的 哈哈哈哈哈
最後這兩張就轉給學長了 哈哈哈哈哈
國考積陰德 xD

.
還以為你會用小主人萬能卡, 但過期了呢。

我找不到理由忘記

但我累了
驗收的時候沒有覺得什麼
學長問我說其他人呢
我答不上來
一回到寢室
剛開口跟室友說我驗收回來，狀況不太理想
才說到第三句就已經哽咽
我真的很無奈又氣不氣來
好無力
好累

10/2怎麼辦?
不想吃了
感覺當天自己只會裝上銳利的言辭戳傷他們
我不想要變成那樣
怎麼辦

我找不到理由忘記
曾經一起忙過、歡樂過、累過的你們
但我真的很累

好像每次崩潰大哭都是因為你們
到底為什麼?

初次見面

老師好。
昨天下午是我們第一次見面。
“你們現在可以打開解剖臺了。” 士官長如是宣佈，大家神色緊張地看了看彼此，最後把手放到了解剖臺的兩側把手上，小心翼翼地把解剖臺打開。
我一直很擔心自己會承受不了大體實驗帶來的挑戰，見老師的前一天晚上輾轉反側睡不著，一直在想象隔天到底會是什麼模樣。

我會因為太難過而流淚嗎？

我會因為太害怕而不敢下刀嗎？

我會因為太震驚而直接昏倒在地嗎？

打開的那一剎那我真的震驚了，但還不至於昏倒。
震驚感退去，看著實驗室裡其他組的老師，反而有了學習新東西的小小興奮。
真的覺得大體老師很偉大，我內心一部分還是會想說他們還是活著的。
至少他們的心還活著，想要我們好好學習的那份心意我感受到了。
所以將刀片裝到持針器上，準備好了一切。
“老師，我們要開始了。”
對照著上課時候老師的講義我們仔細地跟著，一步一步走。
希望老師會喜歡我們這一組人，就像她喜歡喝珍珠奶茶一樣。
雖然不能帶食物進實驗室，但昨天我們的組員跟老師分享了他們愛喝的珍奶。
明天是第二次上課，我們到時候再見囉老師。

.

前天晚上是我們學校服務學習的成果發表會，今年一共37團，聽說明年會有550個人當志工呢！
而我們團ShiNepal的報告跟去年的比起來真的好很多！
畢竟我去年只re了一兩次就上台了，而且上台前還改了一些東西。
今年學弟妹早早開始準備，雖然和其他團報告的內容方向有點偏差但我覺得沒什麼不好的，畢竟各團體驗到的，想分享的未必一樣。
令人難過的是匿名版上的冒充文吧，我相信我們團內的人。
我們不是那種愛炫耀的人，怕是避之不及。
我相信志工服務不應該拿來評分，因為這樣便會失去服務的意義，進而變成赤裸裸的比賽。
希望明年不會再有頒獎的活動，讓大家好好報完，好好離場就好了，不好嗎？

.

以為他復合了，但原來沒有嗎？
在調侃他復合的時候其實沒有覺得很難過，雖然喜歡但不會在一起。
小小緊張，最後發現沒有復合有點暗爽哈哈哈哈
好啦，他還是繼續做他的風，繼續低調算了，我就好好地做自己，好好唸書、好好減肥、好好把自己變得更好、在10/1的1100好好搶五月天的票。

就算一個人，我也想去聽。

區段一

大三生活排滿了十個區段考、三次大體實驗跑臺、四次組織實驗跑臺、病理實驗、藥理實驗穿插著六還七次的PBL
星期三剛考完第一個區段考試，往好的方面想，只剩下九個區段考了
降到個位數了!!
只要是考試我都會很焦躁不安，根本坐不住 哈哈哈哈
老師在跑臺考場外看到我一直蹦蹦跳跳崩潰應該很傻眼
應該很好奇我是不是在做作弊前的奇怪儀式(?) 哈哈哈哈
因為現在的課程還不算緊湊所以其實上課後複習基本上足夠應付
我覺得我準備得挺不錯的
答案都在考試當天下午就出來了
以別人的角度來看可能很棒吧
可我自己覺得普普的
我也不想讓自己那麼有壓力但總覺得自己可以做得更好
心累 哈哈哈哈哈 真煩

結果剛考完，下午就開始肌肉骨骼區段的課程了!!
一整個超快 哈哈 大家補眠的補眠 翹課的翹課 出席率不太okay
因為剛考完所以我也沒有複習 哈哈哈 打算這週末來念一下下
11/10就要考下一個考試了 哈哈哈啊哈 不到一個月 QAQ
下週是解剖周啊啊啊啊啊啊啊
希望我可以調適好自己的心情
好好面對我們的老師
好好學

不想想你
只好把照片裡的你都擋住
好像這樣腦海裡就可以不浮現你的臉
但上課的時候聽到後方的咳嗽聲都分辨得出你

還是好好唸書好好欣賞我的寶劍比較實在
對吧 哈哈哈哈

大三

大三了呢，感覺變了
課程變得有點專業
真的有種在念醫學系的感覺
其實好像就只能這樣渾渾噩噩地念下去
我到現在還是不知道自己對什麼比較有興趣(可以養活自己的哈哈哈)
發現其實這些生物知識真的還蠻有趣的
希望可以好好地學、好好地記，才不會辜負以後的病人

讓我真的覺得要背負起責任的解剖課的家訪這一個契機
因報告需要，我們訪問了我們大體老師的家屬
說實話覺得他們都很偉大
不管是老師，還是家屬
我不確定自己能不能做出這樣的選擇
如果我的家人要捐大體……我會同意嗎?
現在的我答案應該是否定的。
不忍心讓我摯愛的人承受這種事
但或許長大後會看淡吧
畢竟真的是一件很有意義的事情

大三到現在也不過兩三週，下個星期就要考試了
第一個區段考
其實截止為止的課程內容不多，跟往後的相比真的不多
很愛胡思亂想的我也多了很多時間煩惱很多事情

我不是一個會跟人講心事的人
敞開心扉好難、好需要勇氣
所以還是打出來的好，反正會來看的也不會多問
我好像太被動所以錯過了但也有可能他根本沒意思啦哈哈哈
他是個不錯的人但我一直覺得我們價值觀不同所以也沒有想要發展
在知道他脫單後內心悶悶的
啊 原來我有點喜歡他
啊 原來我放下之前的那個了
在知道他再次單身後其實有點小開心
但也了解到到他是風一樣的人，不是一個會定下來的人
所以還是各走各路好了
對吧。

16/07/2017- 05/08/2017, 我的2017

去年離開後我暗暗地決定今年要跟當地志工有更多的交流，而這些交流從回台灣後就已經開始了。服務不局限於當地、友情自然也不限國界。縱使隔著3700公里，隔了兩個半小時的時差，我們保持著聯繫。再次抵達加德滿都機場，看到穿著熟悉寶藍色制服的METTA志工們，我們飛撲到Annu身上，熱情地向Rahul打招呼，開心地認識著這次的新朋友Urusa跟Rabin。

大二，我們從幕前跑到了幕後、從帶課程的人變成了排課表的人、從乖乖跟從的學弟妹變成了主要溝通聯絡的學長姐。今年不再像去年一樣可以頻繁地在課堂上接觸小朋友，只能在健康檢查或者是擔任課程tutor時短暫接觸他們，但是感動依然。
雖然我去年不是孩子王，也沒有小朋友送我花，甚至沒什麼小朋友記得我的名字，但今年在巡看學弟妹課程狀況的時候看到小朋友臉上的笑容還有他們熱烈的反應和迴響，我替學弟妹感到高興，也為小朋友們覺得開心。我覺得學弟妹辛苦了這麼久有回報真的太好了，小朋友們喜歡學弟妹真的太好了，今年有來真的太好了。
志工服務的當下我們都在學習，從最一開始的策劃、聯絡，到後期的驗課、檢討，到出團的隨機應變，這一切都是不可多得的經驗。我們不止學會安排行程、也學會進行有效且有效率的溝通、更學會了與壓力共存，最重要的是學會對自己還有對所服務的人們負責。今年的我們在每天的檢討時刻都有著莫名的高效率，前一天課程上的問題在隔天的課堂上就已經得到了很好的緩解，抑或是已經被解決了。
雖然在出團的前一天才得知今年沒辦法在圓滿大寺服務，被迫臨時更改行程的我們也只好認命。所幸還是有去圓滿大寺，幸好我們有贈藥、幸好學弟妹有見到Sukha Bhante還有本蓮法師、幸好羽茹有見到她再次踏上尼泊爾這片土地的原因——Ujjwal,去年在圓滿大寺留下的牽掛。
說實話，這次出團一抵達機場我就想到了去年旻翰學長出團時說的，“我是來找回憶的。”其實不用特意去找啊，我們的回憶很自然地就湧上心頭。去年上課的情況、誰病了五天、誰喜歡從房間的哪個角落往外看機場跑道、誰跟誰在哪裡吵過架、誰幾天沒洗澡、誰做了什麼傻事，真的都歷歷在目，走過的每一條街都充滿了我們去年的痕跡。

因為經濟關係，我只打算去兩年。今年已經是第二年。我慶幸我也只去兩年。
說真的，第一次是陌生，第二次是熟悉的喜歡，第三次我相信會變成放不下的喜愛。我喜歡羈絆但我覺得如果變成了喜愛，我會放不下甚至每年都要回來看一看尼泊爾的改變才能覺得寬心。
現在的我至少只要身邊有著這一群曾經一起在尼泊爾揮灑著青春的人們就已經足夠滿足、足夠幸福了。

 2016 夏

2017 夏

ShiNepal

2nd year of uni passes sooooooooo fast, it seems like the days were in 2x speed.
I'm going to Nepal again, tomorrow.
Funny is that I'd be having transit in KL, then reach Nepal tomorrow.
This time I really felt homesick.
Mood was down the two days before leaving Kuching for Taiwan. Mum asked me what was wrong with me when I was staring blankly in the car, I told her it was nothing but I felt like crying.
I really hate saying good bye.
I hate leaving home, home is where the family is.
I feel better when there are friends around but it really is hard when I'm all alone in my room.

Since I'd be flying this afternoon, mum called just now.
I miss her. I miss dad. I miss my sister. I miss the blue skies of Kuching. I miss the wind there. I miss everything in Kuching.
I don't feel that I belong here.
The breakdown this time is quite sudden lol

Kay, wish nothing bad happens in Nepal and everything will turn out well :)

想自由

莫名想念過去的自己
以前的我比較溫順乖巧
現在的我有話直說脾氣古怪
很常覺得對不起一起共事的人們
明明最討厭drama的人生 可是怎麼上了一個大學感覺天天都在上演八點檔

看了請回答1988之後跑去看了花樣青春非洲篇
好羨慕他們哦 很想變成他們那麼好的人
他們好體貼 好為對方著想
看了很羨慕他們的自由
如果有一天也能夠去非洲玩就好了
跟一群不會吵架的朋友一起去
那該有多好?
自由自在
多好

真的想變成一個更好的人——更體貼、更主動、更高EQ、更值得信任、更好的女兒、妹妹、朋友、同學。

Stop trying to calm the storm. Calm yourself, the storm will pass. - Timber Hawkeye

Mask or not

Idk if this is my mask coming off or just me changing due to the events around me
I've been short-tempered ever since my second year
Things with volunteering group
then ballroom dancing
then now I lose my temper easily on basically anything
seriously.
ANYTHING.
I don't like the feeling I'm giving off to people but somehow it makes me feel better, at least I have a way to relieve my stress.
I find it really hard to tell people about my worries and problems I'm facing, cz I don't like to be asking for help from them, and I prefer doing things on my own, faster and saving all the mess.
I wish people were more considerate and could think a few steps ahead so we won't be always chasing the deadline, praying to make it or whatsoever. Jeez.

So now with the finals over, the results are also out.
I scored only 82 on an open book test. Ridiculous right?
I thought I did well. It really is weird.
Idk.
Seems like things don't go well as you think, and ironically things that you thought as bad would turn out smooth. It's like WHAT?! Ughh.
However, not too good too. Not the top. Many of them score more than me in immunology, though mine is already quite high. I don't know if it's good to be so competitive, it's making me feel tired, mentally. I hate competing just to find myself incapable and end up as a loser. I guess everyone is the same haha.

And I secretly hope someone who cares enough about me would browse through my blog quietly, not say a thing and hold me in their arms, gently stroke my hair and tell me it's okay to be feeling like this.

I think I really changed a lot since middle school. I think he changed, too.
I wonder how are you now.
有沒有想念過我?

,

很多事情終於暫時告了一個段落
英文話劇主持
尼團團遊
國標成發
熱舞成發串場

其實不知道為什麼那時候要把這麼多事情都擠在一起
但我們學校好像就這樣吧
大家能擠出來的空閒時間空閒時段差不多就都這樣
所以團遊一直延，終於來到了四月
還記得4/19的細菌學考試
隔天晚上的英文話劇主持就只是跟科科念個稿的工作
哈哈哈哈 覺得蠻廢的
4/22 - 4/23 是花蓮團遊
一開始還跟momo說會幫她 結果我什麼都沒做
像個廢物一樣享受她安排的行程
覺得很對不起她
因為團遊也錯過了國標的集訓週末
沒機會跟學弟妹一起練舞、吃飯、踩點、練舞
星期一回來總驗的時候被驚艷到了
真的覺得他們都成長很多
很驕傲地在內心說了句 我是他們的教學 哈哈哈哈
聽說大家覺得我們的成發很棒
其實拖了快三個小時吧
一開始觀眾也很少
雖然到後來觀眾好像還是沒有熱舞成發來得多
但好像也很少人中場離席還是什麼的
總是好的
他們說我們很認真用心
我也覺得
認真能夠被看到、被肯定真的太好了
那天晚上的圈圈時間我很感動
啊 終於完成了啊 我們自己的舞展
好像也是有種終於可以撒手不管的爽感 哈哈哈哈哈

4/30的熱舞成發我只是個出現不到5分鐘的串場 哈哈哈哈
 覺得雍倫很認真 畢竟他不是活動咖 還要一直被雕演技真的辛苦他了
今年熱舞的氛圍不太好 分工零零散散 幹部群沒有凝聚力
但一切結束就好

而我在今天凌晨十二點多終於也趕完很多個(其實也才4個5/1截止的報告) 哈哈哈
然後在睡覺前發現還有一個報告時5/7截止 QAQ
不管
我還是去睡了 哈哈哈哈 5/19那週是期末考週啊
所以這個學期還沒有來到。的時候 現在只是，的時候

雖然好像有點壞 但他不找我之後我真的覺得日子過得很舒爽 @@
我不願將就

Bacteriology

HAHAHA I'm having the second exam on immunology this Wednesday, this time it's on bacteriology, there'd be 70 mcqs on bacteriology and 25 for the experiment QAQ I started studying almost two weeks ago (or maybe just one, I forgot) hahahaha
Right now my roommates aren't around, they're at their club's camp. I was alone yesterday so I just studied, studied and studied whole day through. Finally finished reading the notes, once T_T just read through nia omg hahaha really gg liaw I think. TOO MUCH TO MEMORIZE.
Okay so I nearly dozed off yesterday when I was studying so I decided to swipe my phone for a while. Then I saw this group in insta. HAHAHAHA MAPLE.
I was suddenly energized. REALLY. My eyes were like from -_- to O-O
Those two boys were going to download maple and play together.
So of course hehehe I went on with it too.
But my line here is quite slow so it took me some time, the download finished only this morning.
I WAS SO SO EXCITED OKAY.
Only to find out that there's region limitation T____T OMG so sad man!
I miss the memories. Zanyu.
I miss you. Not maple.

Koe no Katachi

Okay, so I went for a movie yesterday.
The trailer caught my eye a long time ago, and finally it's screened.
So someone asked me out for the movie, it really took me awhile to consider to go or not.
The movie was not too bad, but it lacked some impact. Idk.

You know me, I cry easily but I barely dropped tears last night hahaha but I find it quite scary, you know, the bullying part. We always overlook our own mistakes, make up excuses to forgive ourselves, run away from problems troubling us.
I guess my point of this post isn't the movie, but the one I watched the movie with. He's a friend I got to know from Dcard, for about two months, and yeahh he's been sort of like an admirer. Just two months! Omg you don't even know me okay?!
I find it awkward to be going out alone with someone of the opposite sex, lolol I'm straight okay. It's really hard for me to reject very strictly so I guess I gave him some hope. But I just can't think of him that way, so I kind of rejected him for future meetings. I afraid I'm too harsh but I found it a little bit disturbing when he kept asking me out.
You see, being too aggressive scares me off. Idk what I wanna say hahaha
I think single is good.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah..
But I miss mapling.

Wondering if you remember

Enough!

I seriously can't stand this! Must find a way to relieve my rage grrr
It's always been like this
They always love doing things last minute
Okay
Of course I have no problem if it's your own matter
But hey
Don't you do this when it's a group thing
What more to say when you are the leader
You think you can handle everything? Then do it all on your own, don't come to me and plead for help at the very last minute
I've clearly reminded you already but it seems like you never learn
Can't bring myself to be so impolite in front of you but I seriously have enough of this
You're not the only one who's busy, don't act like you're the only one.
Use your brain, prioritize your tasks. Crying over spilt milk is of no use.

Wish I were rich af

then I would be able to afford my own fees

I would be able to do many things

I would be able to eat a lot without looking at the price

I would be able to repay my parents financially

I would be able to buy a lot of things without paying attention to the price tag

I would be able to not stare at my bank book and feel sad

I wouldn't be so frustrated.

十天

Yay! :)
倒數回家十天啦啦啦啦
but before that I'll need to pay for the school regis fee and now the rates are really very scary..
I can totally see the view when I arrive in Kuching, I can feel the warmth in the air (though it's winter rn) hahaha I really miss Kuching a lot.
Schedule is quite packed, time is short.
21/01 - 04/02 TOO SOON LAHH.
Air ticket back costs so much, and the air tickets to Nepal is more expensive this time.
It happens that we'd be making our transit in KL using MAS. OH. IF I KNEW. I could have saved two tickets' worth of $$!!
haih. Anyway. As the assistant group leader it might be impossible too, cz before departing we'd need to have a final check on juniors' courses, check their luggage, finish packing our group luggage, babysit juniors. It's seniors' responsibility. I often wonder if I were a burden to my parents..
Every time I think of that, I feel homesick.
A dental senior came to see us this Sunday, and he told us a lot about of future, regarding our career.
I'm really unsure about my future, whether to stay or to return.
I'd definitely want to go back, for my family.
But returning would be a waste of time since I'll still need to follow Malaysia's system and the senior said that there's a queue right now for the graduates overseas to get into the government hospitals.
AH. IDK.