Mask or not

Idk if this is my mask coming off or just me changing due to the events around me
I've been short-tempered ever since my second year
Things with volunteering group
then ballroom dancing
then now I lose my temper easily on basically anything
seriously.
ANYTHING.
I don't like the feeling I'm giving off to people but somehow it makes me feel better, at least I have a way to relieve my stress.
I find it really hard to tell people about my worries and problems I'm facing, cz I don't like to be asking for help from them, and I prefer doing things on my own, faster and saving all the mess.
I wish people were more considerate and could think a few steps ahead so we won't be always chasing the deadline, praying to make it or whatsoever. Jeez.

So now with the finals over, the results are also out.
I scored only 82 on an open book test. Ridiculous right?
I thought I did well. It really is weird.
Idk.
Seems like things don't go well as you think, and ironically things that you thought as bad would turn out smooth. It's like WHAT?! Ughh.
However, not too good too. Not the top. Many of them score more than me in immunology, though mine is already quite high. I don't know if it's good to be so competitive, it's making me feel tired, mentally. I hate competing just to find myself incapable and end up as a loser. I guess everyone is the same haha.

And I secretly hope someone who cares enough about me would browse through my blog quietly, not say a thing and hold me in their arms, gently stroke my hair and tell me it's okay to be feeling like this.

I think I really changed a lot since middle school. I think he changed, too.
I wonder how are you now.
有沒有想念過我?

,

很多事情終於暫時告了一個段落
英文話劇主持
尼團團遊
國標成發
熱舞成發串場

其實不知道為什麼那時候要把這麼多事情都擠在一起
但我們學校好像就這樣吧
大家能擠出來的空閒時間空閒時段差不多就都這樣
所以團遊一直延，終於來到了四月
還記得4/19的細菌學考試
隔天晚上的英文話劇主持就只是跟科科念個稿的工作
哈哈哈哈 覺得蠻廢的
4/22 - 4/23 是花蓮團遊
一開始還跟momo說會幫她 結果我什麼都沒做
像個廢物一樣享受她安排的行程
覺得很對不起她
因為團遊也錯過了國標的集訓週末
沒機會跟學弟妹一起練舞、吃飯、踩點、練舞
星期一回來總驗的時候被驚艷到了
真的覺得他們都成長很多
很驕傲地在內心說了句 我是他們的教學 哈哈哈哈
聽說大家覺得我們的成發很棒
其實拖了快三個小時吧
一開始觀眾也很少
雖然到後來觀眾好像還是沒有熱舞成發來得多
但好像也很少人中場離席還是什麼的
總是好的
他們說我們很認真用心
我也覺得
認真能夠被看到、被肯定真的太好了
那天晚上的圈圈時間我很感動
啊 終於完成了啊 我們自己的舞展
好像也是有種終於可以撒手不管的爽感 哈哈哈哈哈

4/30的熱舞成發我只是個出現不到5分鐘的串場 哈哈哈哈
 覺得雍倫很認真 畢竟他不是活動咖 還要一直被雕演技真的辛苦他了
今年熱舞的氛圍不太好 分工零零散散 幹部群沒有凝聚力
但一切結束就好

而我在今天凌晨十二點多終於也趕完很多個(其實也才4個5/1截止的報告) 哈哈哈
然後在睡覺前發現還有一個報告時5/7截止 QAQ
不管
我還是去睡了 哈哈哈哈 5/19那週是期末考週啊
所以這個學期還沒有來到。的時候 現在只是，的時候

雖然好像有點壞 但他不找我之後我真的覺得日子過得很舒爽 @@
我不願將就